Being a P.O.C. and a Gamer in 2020

 I wrote a blog post over 3 years ago about this exact subject, but from a standpoint of it being 2017, not 2020. (it is surprising at how relevant this is given the climate today…)

Before this whole pandemic started, I went to my local gaming store, and they were having a Magic card tourney as well as several tables playing some tabletop rpg games.  As I looked around, I had this instant feeling of being out of place in something that I love.  I went home and started to think on this feeling.  I am a geek and a nerd; I recognize that I like things that other POC do not like or know anything about.  I like both video games, tabletop roleplaying games, LARPing, board games, and card games.  I know these things and accept these truths.  But this day I felt so out of place, it was unnerving.

Sitting at home, my mind wandered back to that day.  Those thoughts were running full tilt through my head, on how I do not belong there, what right do I have to even think that I can compare to these guys.  Then in that same breath, in my head popped, you do not even belong into your own racial community.  You do not listen to hip-hop, act like a “playa”, or are big into sports. (I like sports, I am just not a fanatic about it.)

I feel so out of place, so much so, that I started second guessing my desire to be a writer/TTRPG game designer/game reviewer.  How dare I try to be in an industry dominated by Caucasian males who “really” do not want POC in their wheelhouse.  I am a man outside of two worlds.  I do not know where I fit in, and that fills me with fear and dread.  I thought I was comfortable in my own skin, (and to be clear, I am happy to be a geek/nerd/gamer) but not being able to share who I am with others, saddens me.

Maybe I should just roll with the punches and keep on keeping on…