I wrote a blog post over 3 years ago about this exact subject, but from a standpoint of it being 2017, not 2020. (it is surprising at how relevant this is given the climate today…)
Before this whole pandemic started, I went to my local gaming store, and they were having a Magic card tourney as well as several tables playing some tabletop rpg games. As I looked around, I had this instant feeling of being out of place in something that I love. I went home and started to think on this feeling. I am a geek and a nerd; I recognize that I like things that other POC do not like or know anything about. I like both video games, tabletop roleplaying games, LARPing, board games, and card games. I know these things and accept these truths. But this day I felt so out of place, it was unnerving.
Sitting at home, my mind wandered back to that day. Those thoughts were running full tilt through my head, on how I do not belong there, what right do I have to even think that I can compare to these guys. Then in that same breath, in my head popped, you do not even belong into your own racial community. You do not listen to hip-hop, act like a “playa”, or are big into sports. (I like sports, I am just not a fanatic about it.)
I feel so out of place, so much so, that I started second guessing my desire to be a writer/TTRPG game designer/game reviewer. How dare I try to be in an industry dominated by Caucasian males who “really” do not want POC in their wheelhouse. I am a man outside of two worlds. I do not know where I fit in, and that fills me with fear and dread. I thought I was comfortable in my own skin, (and to be clear, I am happy to be a geek/nerd/gamer) but not being able to share who I am with others, saddens me.
Maybe I should just roll with the punches and keep on keeping on…